5 Year Sentence

Just a mere two weeks ago, Delta Kappa Epsilon Fraternity was banned from Yale University’s campus for the next five years. This is the punishment for pledge’s of the fraternity chanting inappropriate and demining things about women in public.  Of course this isn’t the first year this fraternity has done this, in fact as the Alpha chapter of Delta Kappa Epsilon, the Yale chapter has been on campus for over 150 years, so why are they being punished now?  Last October 16 complaints were filled to the University, claiming the University was not protecting its students and eliminating sexual harassment towards all women.   The article ended with showing the positive reactions from the student body, feeling pleased that Yale finally took action.

I personally feel this article is extremely anti-Greek.  Do I think these boys should have been chanting these things? No, probably not.  Do I think it’s ok to just sit back and say “boys will be boys”, absolutely not. At the same time, are these boys the only people on Yale’s campus chanting these sorts of statements?  Probably not.   I agree with non-Greek students on Yale’s campus, that the university should have done something.  No university should ignore the complaints of their students, however a 5 year ban from campus? Seems a little steep if you ask me, especially when it was only the pledges and not the entire fraternity.

My view is that even if there are a few true fraternity men, in a chapter the chapter should not be shut down.  Maybe their nationals need to clean house and find the members that they truly want to keep in the chapter, but in the end that isn’t Yale’s place to decide the fate of an entire chapter.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/18/education/18yale.html

Not for Four Years, But For Life

An oath, is more than just a promise. An oath is something one can only make with their entire self and future involved.  An oath, by definition, is “a solemn appeal to a deity, or to some revered person or thing, to witness one's determination to speak the truth, to keep a promise, etc.: to testify upon oath.” But when taking into consideration what an oath means to a group of college students fighting to remain true to the mission and values of their fraternity or sorority, an oath can bear a much more heavy meaning to those individuals.

When I was 12 years old, after 7 months of learning what exactly I was doing within my Catholic faith, and what declaring myself as an adult in the Catholic Church would entail, I was confirmed into the Catholic Church.   I took an oath promising my entire self to be devoted to the Catholic Church and my God.   While I was well aware of the oath I took that morning, it didn’t seem like a heavy responsibility, maybe it was because I was confident in my decision, maybe it was just because everyone else in my class was also getting confirmed, but most importantly I was surrounded by people who support my decision.  I was in Catholic school and from a pretty Catholic family; no one in my life was making the same oath I had. 

When I came to The Ohio State University and joined Delta Zeta, I spent 8 weeks learning all about the oath I was about to take, about the values and mission of Delta Zeta, that I was expected to uphold as well as standards I would be held to.  The funny thing is, as much as our New Member Educator and older members of the sorority explained countless times to us what our responsibilities would be as actives of Delta Zeta, no one ever used the word ‘oath’, or even ‘promise’.  The night of my initiation, and even at our follow up meeting a week or so after to explain the ritual we had gone through, I still didn’t understand what had happened to me. Part of this, I believe, is truly understandable, as most individuals don’t remember what was said and done during the ceremony.  

Later in the spring Jeff Pelletier, came to our chapter house to and presented his “Living Your Ritual” speech.  If you have ever listen to it, you should know where the rest of this blog is going.  If you haven’t, stop reading this blog and e-mail Jeff about having it presented to your chapter.  The summary of Jeff’s talk is that no matter how different you think your chapter’s our, the basic idea of how we run ourselves and how we run our rituals are more or less identical.  The only real difference is found in the oaths we take, in the words our founders wrote done that determine the values and missions of our chapters.  So when we get caught up in the little things like social probation, or recruitment, or putting members of probation for poor academic conduct, it’s really important to reflect and remember that our oath is what matters and what we should be looking at when trying to decide if we are succeeding as a chapter or failing.

To me, my oath I took when I was initiated into Delta Zeta was a promise I made to  all of my sisters that I would work to the best of my abilities to better our chapter and our sorority as a whole, to the best of my abilities uphold the standards by which my chapter lives upon, to improve myself and work to improve the lives of the people I touch, and most importantly to recognize that I am not a Delta Zeta for four years, but for life. 

Dual Citizenship

In the grand scheme of things, I want very little from my life.  I want to be happy and I want leave the people I knew and the place I was, better than when I found them. I want to be remembered when I die for what I left behind, and the hearts I touched.

I think the biggest key component of citizenship to consider, when looking at the three questions posed, is the idea that as a citizen of any community it is your responsibility to have a positive effect on that community.  As a citizen, you should contribute enough of yourself that you leave the society better than when you joined it.

How are you (individually) displaying citizenship within the fraternity/sorority community?

This seems like a particularly easy question to answer for me, and maybe it is simply because of the position I was elected into.  As New Member Educator, I know that I have created thirty new members that are better prepared and more fully committed to Delta Zeta’s future than my new member class was the previous year.  Through initiating a few new programs for the new member class such as: the new member service project, new member retreat, and the parent project.  All of these combined with other new ways of teaching the lessons and ways of showing the new members what it takes to be a fully initiated member!

In this way I have already bettered my sorority and it’s future, therefore displaying my citizenship as a member of Delta Zeta Sorority, but citizenship does not end once you have made an impact. With that being said I am well aware I need to keep working to better Delta Zeta in these next two next. Delta Zeta has come a long way since I joined, but it doesn’t mean there isn’t room for massive improvements!

How does your chapter display citizenship within the fraternity/sorority community? What does this look like?

Citizenship within just the Greek community, especially at The Ohio State University is rather hard to define if you ask me.  I think it’s about being open to getting to know a chapter. In a Greek community that is extremely small compare to the size of our campus and undergraduate student population, Greeks really do live in a small word.  This makes it very easy for us to meet one person, or a small group of people from one chapter and based off of our first impression assume that is how their entire chapter acts.

Coming from a chapter that is very different from what it was two years ago, I personally know how hard it is to introduce myself to other Greeks and have them instantly judge me because one of my sisters who is older than me and represented a very different chapter than what we are today.  I also think it’s extremely sad that members of our Greek community chose and allow themselves to judge entire chapters based on one individual or a single incident. This is something I believe every individual in the Greek Community should reflect on.

On a positive note, I think my chapter is pretty good at keeping an open mind when we meet new chapters.  After being paired with a few smaller fraternities for Greek Week 2011, I saw my sisters being excited about forming new friendship based off of a common Greek Life interest, rather than being upset and bitter that we were not paired with a ‘big’ fraternity. Even though we don’t always do the best job with branching out on our own time and terms, when the opportunity presents itself to the chapter, our chapter always delivers with an open mind!  With that being sad I think Delta Zeta is a good citizen within our Greek Community, but again we are definitely not the best and there is always room for improvement.

How does the fraternity/sorority community display citizenship within the greater university community?

After being involved with Greek Life for over a year, I decided to join another student organization.  After being involved with Student-Alumni Council for now a mere four months I have become good friends with a lot of great student leaders on this campus, many people whom I have immense respect for, I was disappointed to discover some of the them are ‘greek-life haters’. Not only did this make me scared, it alarmed me that some of our campus’ most highly recognized leaders didn’t think Greek Life was worth anything to the betterment of The Ohio State University community as a whole.

Are they right? I wondered to myself with great fear only to discover…. In a way they are right.  The general student population hates our Greek Community on so often that we decide to isolate ourselves and enjoy being Greek without including any non-Greeks.  Our philanthropy events we advertize to each other, our socials are only with each other, we all live relatively close to each other, off campus. Greeks keep to themselves, we look at ourselves as our own community and The Ohio State University as another community, the question is how do we fix this?  How do we connect ourselves as student leaders and not solely Greeks?  It’s something I feel the Greek community needs to evaluate as a whole and a goal to set for our future. 

Something Surprising

What are sororities and fraternities spending their time on at The Ohio State University?  This is a question I am sure a ton of individuals would love to know the answer to.   Many individuals, both in the Greek community and outside of the Greek community would probably agree on a few things: socials, dealing with internal issues, perhaps community service.

However, after last class’ activity I found out one thing I truly did not expect.  While some sorority women and fraternity men felt that one of their chapters top three activities were: philanthropy, or community service, or in some cases, Ritual, no chapter seemed to agree, except the three young men of FIJI.  The three young men from this chapter all agreed on their Chapter’s number one activity without even knowing the other two’s answer. They all answered rivalry run.  I pasted below the website for the annual philanthropy event,

http://osuphigam.org/rrac

To me this was by far the most interesting thing I learned through our class assignment, because it was inspiring.  It is an amazing things not only to see the Brothers of this fraternity so united behind a single cause, but that they enjoy and look forward to their annual philanthropy event, and it is definitely something every chapter should work towards finding themselves. 

One of the Reasons I Love Cincinnati

The organization that immediately came to my mind when receiving this prompt, was an organization that no one else in our class probably knows about.

In 1987, two years after my parents got married and moved away, my (maternal) Grandmother who had been battling Colon Cancer for 4 years had lost and only had a few months to live.  In order to be closer to my Grandma in Louisville, my parents moved from New York City to Cincinnati. Since neither of my parents had jobs when they got here they were at a loss. Then my mom found Fernside.  Fernside was a brand new nonprofit in Cincinnati; it was a center for grieving children.  Not only did Fernside have a part time job for my mom, but also ended up being her own grieving center. Twenty four years later, my mom is the executive director of Fernside which has grown into a grieving center for children, parents, siblings, grandparents, friends, anyone.

Fernside is an organization that offers their services including private counseling, groups, camps, and a million other resources for free to anyone and everyone in a time when people rarely think anyone can help them.  The seven women that work for my mom and the hundreds of volunteers they have each other amaze me with their courage and strength in facing some of life’s hardest questions.

Fernside does an excellent job of displaying their values, and holding onto the original mission of the organization. And I am very thankful for growing up watching Fernside become what it is today.

https://www.fernside.org/about/

I have two younger sisters, twins in fact, who are seniors in high school this year.  Therefore they believe that everything is about them right now, and they are the two coolest people alive on the face of the Earth.  In short, they are rather annoying, yet I love them.  When I think about what I value the most in my life, it’s the relationships I have with people.   And what exactly do those relationships mean to me? That’s easy. Everything.   Who I am today, every little part of my personality was formed by the people in my life, whether it be my family or my friends or a random friend from summer camp. And while I won't go into depth about these two relationships, two of the most defining relationships in my life are the one I have with myself, and the relationship I have with God. These are, and always will be important to me, but there are few other relationships I want to talk about. The relationships in my life have made me the person I am, and continue to form the person I am constantly evolving to be.

 

I AM my father’s daughter. From the horrible fall allergies to my faith to my sometime stubborn attitude I am just like my dad. My dad is my best friend. My mom is much more like my sisters (including the fact that they are all twins), but one important trait I picked up from my mom is my love and football AND Jim Tressel (don’t worry about it).  Like I said my sister’s are twins, and younger; being the oldest sibling has definitely defined me!  Not only did it allow me to boss them around when I wanted to, but also it made me super protective of them.  My junior and senior years of high school my dad was living out of town most of time for work and my mom worked a ton, so I played parent for 2 years: driving them around, making them dinner, keeping everyone’s schedule.  Having this relationship with my sisters has definitely defined a big part of our relationship and my personality.  As far as extended family goes, I am very lucky to be close with members of both sides of my family.  And being the oldest cousin on both sides of my family, being a constant role model or guinea pig (depending on the situation) has also defined my relationships.  My relationships with my family members provide me with the constant of my life.  No matter what, I know they will be there to help me, support me, save me, and cheer me on!  I value my family more than anything, and that is TRULY amazing to me and that’s why my relationship with my family is one of my core values.

Now, as much as I LOVE blogging, I could never blog about the amazing friends I have had throughout my life.  I could write a novel about my friends, but I will try to point out some exceptional friend memories that show why they are so important to me.

Alice, Kara and me at our high school graduation

1.  My two best friends from grade school: Alice and Kara.  We did everything together, and wasted a lot of summers aimlessly riding our bikes around, sitting at the pool, and watching movies. Alice, Kara and I still hang out every time the three of us are home, and to this day they still bring me back to a time when life was simple, and we didn’t have a care in the world.

2.      2. I loved high school, but I did not like the four years I was in high school.  I spent freshman year thinking we were moving to Florida (and I am from Cincinnati), sophomore year was just a dud, and junior and senior year I spent without my real best friend, my dad.  Lots of other things were going on, but at the end of the day I had a lot of amazing friends who got me through some awful experiences.  Some of the people that meant the world to me merely 3 or 4 years ago are no longer in my life.   Some of those relationships did not end the way I wanted them to, but like I said every relationship I have had, has made me exactly who I am at this moment.  And I wouldn’t change that for the world. On the other hand, some of those friends I am still very close with today.  Actually, one of those friends is in our Greek Leadership Class, so thanks Ashley!

      3. Some of the most important relationships in my life have been with my guy friends.  Without Chris, Bucky, or Craig (and a few other names I won’t call out) I think I would be a very different person.  Having grown up with all girls, attending an all-girls high school, and now being in a sorority I am ALWAYS around women. The guys that I have become good friends with over the different periods of my life have mad a huge impact on me and I am eternally grateful for them.

      4.  The friends I have at Ohio State (both Greek and non-Greek) have created a second home for me.  My friends at Ohio State are the reason I love being in Columbus, they are the reason there are no bad days at Ohio State! And I can’t imagine all the more memories I’ll make with the friends I have already met or the friends I have yet to make at OSU!

5.    

My Pledge Class on Bid Day 2010

      5.  And my DZ sisters…. Well we are sisters. 

Long story, short: my friends are awesome. And they mean the world to me! They show me the kind of person I want to be and keep me in line. I would do ANYTHING for any of my friends, and I know my best friends would always do the same for me. That is why my relationships with my friends are part of my core values.

  

Now, if you know me AT ALL, you are sitting there reading this being like ‘whoa! How could you forget the most important person in your life?!’.  Well don’t worry, I just believe in saving the best for last.

Scott and me, at his wedding this past summer

The most important, or at least the most defining, relationship I have, is the one I have with my cousin Scott.  He is not only my 1^st cousin once removed (that makes him my mom’s little cousin) he is my best friend in the whole world.  Even though he is a 35-year-old lawyer living in Chicago with his new wife, and I am a 19-year-old college student in Columbus, we are inseparable and for the past 7 years have been e-mailing each other every day. We talk about everything and anything and nothing.  Without Scott I truly have no clue who I would be, he is my role model. Scott is the perfect example of why the relationships of my life are my core value!

Every morning I wake up, and I begin my day by calling my parents.  I walk around campus either running into countless of my friends everywhere or on the phone with my friends or family from home. No matter what else is going on in the world, these interactions and relationships keep me grounded, and make me happy.

“The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.”
Anthony Robbins

Where it all starts

Tonight I was visiting one of my good friends in a fraternity at Ohio State, as we sat there exchanging stories of the latest happenings in our organizations he told me a story of one of his brothers and himself getting into a fight. For my sake we will call my friend, Chris and his fraternity brother, Eric. The fight was purely verbal, and the circumstances of alcohol and girls being involved almost provoked a fight alone. Chris, knowing nothing was going to come of the fight, told Eric they would talk about this the next morning and that he was done.  As Chris turned to walk away, Eric said “and that’s why I don’t respect you”.  Now Chris was fired up.

As Chris sat there last night telling me this story, he said something that has stuck with me, “There is a respect that comes with being a brother, no matter what”.  He went on to vent to me about how the brotherhood stumps any fight, issue, or disagreement the boys can be having: at the end of the day they are brothers. Given boys are much less dramatic than girls, I think sisterhood is something a lot of sororities have lost sight of, including mine.

I joined a sorority to a part of something greater than just myself, or just any single friendship.  It’s about us collectively coming together and believing in the same mission, but more importantly believing in each other.  Instead girls gossip about there sisters, judge their sisters, hurt them their sisters by being selfish.  We’ve lost sight of the idea that at the end of the day, no mater what happens, we will be sisters because we share something greater than ourselves. It was impressive to see a senior in college still have so much faith in his organization and so much, well respect, for his brothers.  I’ll admit, I was shocked to hear all it coming out of his mouth, but I would never doubt what he said for one second.

With all of that being said I think respect is where it starts. Yes, I know that’s not a new concept, but yet it’s still a huge problem.  Not only do members of Greek organizations not respect their ritual, but they don’t respect each other.  So before we get another chance to change the world, or pay it forward, or really anything else we all need to stop. Wait a minute. And THINK about if we respect ourselves, our ritual, and our sisters or brothers. Do you?

If yes, GREAT! Go change the world.

If no, why not?